In magic, as in all true professions, there are rules by which you must play. At least, you must play by them until such time as you can get away with something else.
— THE TEACHINGS OF EBENEZUM,
VOL UME I (PREFACE)
There was an explosion at my feet.
“Pardon me,” a small voice said. “We Brownies like to arrive with a bang! I have good news for you!” The fellow’s little eyes gazed about in amazement. “My, my, what’s going on here?”
What was going on here was that, once again, all of the Netherhells had broken loose. I suppose that, after a time, one should get used to this sort of thing. Heaven knows we had seen enough demon attacks in the last few days. Somehow, though, there was something about being attacked by a large number of creatures equipped with tearing claws and rending fangs that never lost its ability to startle.
“Bllrorowr!”
The dark, hairy thing attacked me again. I should never have looked at the Brownie. I swung my stout oak staff at the place where the thing’s face should be. The fiend had too much hair for me to discern most of its facial features. The only thing I was able to see were far too many teeth.
The hairy thing backed away with a scream. I must have hit something vital! I wished I knew what it was so I could do it again. I risked a moment to see how my fellows were faring.
Snarks was caught up in battle with a purple mass of muscle, while Hendrek fought off a dozen creatures with the thwacking Headbasher. Ebenezum was sneezing somewhere deep within his robes, but he was safe for the moment. We seemed to be keeping this horde of fiends at bay. I guessed that, like anything else, all this practice was sharpening our skills at fighting the Netherhells! I swung my stout oak staff at the hairy thing once again. The creature leapt back in alarm. Take that, I thought, foul fiends! The worst hordes of the Netherhells don’t stand a chance against Ebenezum’s noble band!
A large, slavering thing leapt straight for the Brownie.
“Oh, is that all?” the Brownie remarked. The small fellow winked three times as he did a small dance. The large, slavering thing disappeared.
“How did you do that?” I said with some astonishment.
The Brownie glanced at his feet. “I believe it’s called the fox trot.” He winked in my direction. “That, of course, combined with Brownie Power!”
“Doom!” Hendrek cried, bonking the only demon that still faced him.
“Urk!” the demon cried as it disappeared. The demon confronting Snarks shrieked and disappeared as well. I realized then all the demons had vanished.
“Pretty nifty, huh?” The Brownie was all smiles.
“Don’t give the little fellow too much credit,” Snarks remarked. “That was a simple Netherhells’ Multiplication Spell. It is child’s play to reverse something like that.”
The smile vanished from the Brownie’s face. “That’s right, belittle us. I mean, we are called the little people, after all. We’re short, why should anyone pay any attention to us?”
“My thoughts exactly,” Snarks agreed. “And now that we’ve gotten this fellow out of the way, perhaps we can get about our business?’’
“Out of the way?” the Brownie shouted. “Let’s see you try to put Brownie magic out of the way!” The little man began to dance furiously.
“Doom!” Headbasher came crashing down in the space between Snarks and the Brownie. Hendrek glowered darkly at the others.
“We fight demons,” the large warrior asserted. “We do not fight among ourselves.”
“And what do you mean?” I interjected. “What’s a Netherhells’ Multiplication Spell?”
“Oh, it’s a typically shoddy piece of Netherhells chicanery,” the Brownie remarked casually. “They use it when they don’t have enough demons to go around. It’s purely a last-chance diversionary spell.”
“You mean,” I asked, “that we weren’t attacked by a horde of demons?”
“Only if you define horde as any group containing two or more,” the Brownie replied.
I tapped my stout oak staff on the ground in disbelief. I remembered the feel of the weapon in my hands as it whistled through the air toward the hairy thing, the satisfaction as the creatures leapt away in fear. We could best anything the Netherhells sent against us!
“That’s all that were there?” I asked. “Two?”
“Yes,” the Brownie replied cheerfully. “Those spells can keep you occupied for hours. Then they vanish. By that time they’ve kept you away from whatever goal you’ve been trying to reach until it’s far too late. Or maybe they’ve just kept you standing in one place long enough for the real nasty stuff to arrive!”
“I could have told you that!” Snarks cut in. “I know all about that sort of thing! And I can tell a demon from a phantom as well as the next magical creature!”
“Yes,” the Brownie replied. “But did you?”
“Listen, short stuff!” Snarks was shouting now. “I would have if you hadn’t been doing all this grandstanding. It’s getting so an honest demon can’t get a word in edgewise. Why don’t you talk about things you know about, like making shoes?”
“There we go again!” the little fellow cried. “Brownie stereotyping! I’ll have you know—”
“Doom!”
Headbasher crashed between the two again.
“What did I tell you two about arguing?”
“Arguing?” Snarks shrugged his cloaked shoulders. “Why, friend Hendrek, ‘tis nothing more here than a simple difference of opinion, a discussion of definitions, if you will. But arguing?” Snarks patted Head-basher gently.
“Doom,” Hendrek replied somewhat more gently. “We must repair to Vushta with all speed. Our very lives depend on it.”
Ebenezum called to us from some distance away. “The warrior is right. I, too, discerned the deception on the part of the Netherhells, but was unfortunately too incapacitated to act. Whatever the reason for the multiplication spell, it bodes ill. Quickly Wuntvor, you must tell us. What news did you gain from Norei?”
Norei! In the ensuing madness, I had quite forgotten my one, shining moment of contact. She had spoken my name! Of course, my concentration had slipped a bit in that moment. Whose would not have? Now, how best to explain it to the wizard . . .
Norei! Of course—the Brownie had come back! He had the message!
“Quickly, small fellow!” I cried to the Brownie. “Tell us what words the woman had for us!”
“What?” The Brownie started, as if the very idea of a message was news to him. He scratched his tiny head. “Oh, yes. The message. I remembered the young woman’s name! It was Norei!” The Brownie nodded and smiled, obviously waiting for approval.
Norei! My beloved’s name came close to dissolving my resolve. But no! I must find out from the Brownie what I had failed to ask of her.
“Indeed,” I said, emulating my master. “We are very glad you now know the young woman’s name. Would you please give us the message as well?”
“Message? Oh, yes.” The Brownie coughed. “The message. Oh dear. My, my. I knew I’d forgotten something.”
“See?” Snarks cried triumphantly. “What did I tell you? Brownies! Get them away from their shoelaces—”
“Sir!” the Brownie said sharply. “We Brownies will not be intimidated. We make shoes, yes, but we make very good shoes. Remember sir, the Brownie Creed: We are short, but we are many.”
Snarks shivered. “Thousands of tiny shoemakers, stretching to the horizon—” The demon paused as he watched Hendrek nervously finger Headbasher. He turned back to the Brownie. “Well, perhaps I am snapping at you too soon. Anything is possible with a few years of practice.”
The Brownie held up his hands. “All right, all right. I admit that my performance has been just a tad spotty up to now. Like I said, we Brownies are a little new to public performance. I tell you what. There’s none of those wimp Fairies around, right? Well, take my word for it, those guys go into hiding when there’s a thunderstorm. Something like this and you’d have better luck finding a tax collector on refund day. See? I do know the ways of mortals.”
The Brownie leapt to a nearby tree stump to give himself some height. “I hearby make a pledge!” His tiny fist pounded his tiny chest. “We all know what Fairies are good for. You know, the three wishes bit? Well, I’m here to show you that Brownies do it better!”
His voice lowered to a more confidential tone.
“Listen, I know you fellows are in some trouble. It’s not only that message from the young girl, would that I could remember it. I mean, we Brownies have eyes, you know. Any time you drop in on a group and they’re in the middle of a pitched battle with the Netherhells, you can be sure they’ve got problems. Well, I tell you what I’m going to do for you. For the first time ever on this subcontinent, you folks are going to be the recipients of three wishes from—not Fairies—but Brownies!”
“Brownie wishes?” Snarks smiled a demon smile. “I take a size twelve.”
The little fellow looked grieved. “Some day, when you’ve been saved by Brownie magic, you’ll regret these remarks.”
“Yes,” Snarks replied. “But I have the feeling it will be a very small regret.”
“Doom!” Headbasher once again flew through the air.
“Wuntvor?” the wizard called from where he stood in the distance. “May I see you for a moment?”
So this was the moment of truth. No longer would my master simply watch this drama unfold. There would be an accounting for my actions.
“Wuntvor.” My master spoke softly as I approached. “I need to speak with you in earnest.” He nodded toward a small rise nearby. “We can talk with more privacy on the far side of yonder hill.”
Oh no. This was far worse than I first imagined. I had experienced wizardly rage before. Did Ebenezum wish to take me far enough away so the others would not hear him shouting?
The wizard turned. I followed him over the hill.
“All right!” the Brownie was shouting behind me. “I’ll prove what I can do. I’ll give you a little wish for free.”
“I can think of a little wish,” Snarks replied.
“Doom!” cried Hendrek.
“I’ll behave! I’ll behave!” Snarks shouted.
There was a crashing sound.
The noises behind us became muffled by distance.
“At last.” Ebenezum paused and turned to me. “We can talk with some privacy.”
The wizard cleared his throat. Quickly, I began to speak. Perhaps, if I explained what had happened with Norei before he asked, I could defuse the wizard’s anger.
“Indeed.” Ebenezum pulled at his beard. “Wuntvor, it is no wonder you cannot concentrate, with all that is going on on the far side of this hill. That, ‘prentice, is the real reason I brought you here.”
The wizard continued, his tone barely above a whisper. “I have noticed some problems with our current mode of travel. To be frank, our new companions seem to be rather more of a hindrance than a help.”
I mentioned to my master the help the others had been in our battles with the Netherhells.
“True enough,” the mage agreed. “But every battle has two sides, and that is true for all concerned. A few moments ago, Hendrek spoke about reaching Vushta with all haste. That is most assuredly true, and most assuredly a goal we are having great trouble attaining.
“There are certain things wrong with our party. If the Netherhells are looking for us, we definitely make an embarrassingly large and easy target. The only things moving with haste around here are the mouths of our companions.”
The wizard sighed and scratched at the hair beneath his skullcap. “ ‘Tis true that all of our companions have their uses. Hendrek is quite good with that doomed club of his. Snarks knows things about the Netherhells that even I had not found out. And the Brownie ...”
He hesitated for a moment, gazing back over the hill where our companions continued to argue. I think, at first, Ebenezum had wanted to dismiss the Brownie as just another of those peculiarities we had encountered in our travels. However, I could tell that the little fellow’s remark about tax collectors had given the Brownie new respect in my master’s eyes.
“No, we would be better off alone,” he concluded. The wizard blew his nose briefly. “As you have no doubt noticed, I have another problem with our company. My malady reacts to all things magical—things such as Hendrek’s club and the demon Snarks. It is troublesome to maintain allies when one is trying desperately to restrain a sneeze. The addition of the Brownie makes even that restraint impossible. For the sake of my nose, we must travel alone.
“Shoulder your pack, Wuntvor.”
The wizard shrugged his robes back into place along his shoulders, and turned to walk down the path, away from the hill and our companions. “ ‘Tis better to move quickly to Vushta, and arrive there alive. Once we are among the company of magicians, we can do far more to help the likes of Snarks and Hendrek than we can in constant battle with the Netherhells.”
I did as my master instructed, supporting myself with my stout oak staff as the wizard walked briskly before me.
“Master?” I asked hesitantly. “About Norei’s warning? What if it has something to do with the two of us alone?”
The wizard pulled solemnly at his beard. “One way or another, we shall know soon enough. Come, Wuntvor. We need to gain some distance.”
And so we walked again as we had through most of our journey, the wizard lost in sorcerous thought, while I brought along our belongings on my back—the arcane paraphernalia that had saved us a dozen times from death; a change of clothes; and lunch. I had to admit, there was a familiarity to this mode of travel that I found comforting. We set a sure pace with my master in the lead, and the forest seemed quieter with every step we took.
At length we reached a clearing. My master paused.
“Now, I think we have put sufficient distance between ourselves and our distractions. It’s time, Wuntvor. We must speak with Norei.”
I looked about the clearing. There didn’t seem to be any birds at all in this part of the woods. But if my master wanted a communications spell, he would surely get one. It was so quiet in this spot, I could do nothing but succeed.
I thought of a grackle. A great brown bird, its feathers shining in the sun. I whispered the proper mystic phrases, and launched myself from an imaginary branch, cawing at an imaginary sky. Norei! I was aloft, soaring above the clouds. Norei!
I saw my beloved’s red hair, far below. I swooped down to be near her, plummeting through the air with tremendous speed. This time, 1 would learn her warning!
“Wuntvor?” Norei turned her face to the sky.
“Yes!” I cried, almost overcome with joy. “I—”
The wizard sneezed.
“Norei!” I called.
The earth shook at my feet. A fair quantity of dirt and pebbles showered both the wizard and myself.
No! Not now!
But there was no helping it. All thoughts of birds and Norei flew from my head. Insidiously foul demons! They attacked when we were at our weakest!
My master still sneezed uncontrollably. It was up to me, then, to handle the demons until the mage was sufficiently recovered to recite a spell. I waved my stout oak staff at the dust cloud that had risen with the explosion.
“There they are!” said a high, lilting, and all-too-familiar voice.
The dust lifted first from the ground, revealing a short fellow, about a foot-and-a-half high, dressed in a brown cloak and hood. To one side of him was someone in a long cloak; to the other, a pair of massive feet, legs and thighs.
The Brownie’s legs were wobbling badly. He sat abruptly. “Excuse me, fellows. Just need to rest a moment.”
“Doom!” a great voice boomed. “The Brownie has done what he promised!”
“Yeah, yeah,” another, grating voice answered. “It isn’t the gentlest way to travel, is it?” The dust was clearing now. I could discern the form of Snarks, trying to shake even more dirt from his robes.
“Now see what you have done!” Hendrek, spying my master, hastily replaced Headbasher in its protective sack. “Whatever fiendish plans of the Netherhells separated us from the wizard, the Brownie has reunited us, though it has taken all the strength in his tiny form!” He glowered at Snarks. The demon retreated behind his voluminous robes.
“Gzzphttx!” Snarks replied.
“Doom,” Hendrek murmured softly. He turned to the wizard and myself. “Thank the gods we have found you. Apparently, the plans of the Netherhells are even more nefarious than we imagined. They will separate us, and cut us down brutally, one by one!”
My master stroked his long, white beard. “Indeed,” he remarked. “We must be continually more vigilant.”
Hendrek pointed the sack containing Headbasher at the little fellow sitting in the dirt. “Thank the gods we have this noble Brownie as our companion.”
“Oh no!” the Brownie cried and leapt to his feet. “That wasn’t big enough to be a wish! You folks had asked for a demonstration or two. I just wanted to show you the full extent of Brownie Power! The three wishes come next!”
I looked to my master. This quiet corner of the forest had suddenly become as noisy as every place else. We had lost our solitude, and our chance to learn Norei’s warning. Yet my master stood in the midst of it all, stroking his beard, the picture of calm. All in all, he seemed to be taking it very well.
“ ‘Tis true,” my master remarked when there was finally a pause in the conversation. He cleared his sorcerous throat. “We are in a perilous situation, the true extent of which is not yet known. For the good of us all, we may have to make some special arrangements.”
“Doom,” Hendrek remarked. “What do you mean, great wizard?”
“Oh, only that we should spread out a bit so that we do not form such an obvious target for the plots of the Netherhells.” The wizard sniffed. “But that is only the second most important thing we must remember.”
The large warrior looked suspiciously around the clearing. “And the first?”
“That, no matter what, we keep walking.” The wizard turned and marched out of the clearing. “If there are no objections?”
“Snrrzbffl!” Snarks lifted his robes and pointed to what appeared to be a new pair of shoes upon his demon feet.
“Oh, did I make the shoes a little bit too tight?” The Brownie shook his head in sympathy.
“Gffttbbll!”
“No, no, the one thing Brownies really know about are shoes. You said that yourself.” The Brownie ran to follow the marching wizard.
“To Vushta!” Hendrek cried, falling in close behind the Brownie’s tiny feet.
I shouldered my pack and gripped my stout oak staff. Grumbling deep within his hood, Snarks took up the rear. We were marching at last, on to our goal. Nothing would stop us now.
Then, at the edge of the forest, we saw the unicorn.